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Become Free – Be Free

Perhaps you are a bit perplexed when you hear this and first ask yourself: Why should I become free? Aren’t I already free? Can’t I do or not do as I please? – that is, disregarding the professional and personal obligations I’ve assumed. And we can’t even free ourselves of these, except by canceling a contract and looking for a new job, or by getting divorced and looking for a new life partner. At most, a lack of freedom becomes apparent when we take on certain difficulties, in order to implement new goals of a professional or personal kind. But when it’s always about becoming happier than we were before, then we have to take on this “stress of the realization of freedom.” 

But is it always really about freedom when we respectively want to realize what seems to us to be the nearest goal of our earthly happiness? Or aren’t we often driven by our ego rather than personalities that are internally free? We may briefly enjoy the new attractions in our life, if we, without considering losses, have changed our life situation through a new partner, a bigger house or a higher rung on the ladder of our career. But life experience teaches us that our ego is insatiable and always craves something new, until perhaps one day we finally sense that we don’t decide and act freely at all, but are constantly running after our dependencies, and are thus tied to them in many ways, and these bindings don’t make us happy at all.

And what do we do after this recognition? Can we simply cut these ties and simply push aside the people that we brought into our dependency and on whom we also became dependent, in order to finally become free? Can we elbow our way to freedom at the cost of others? Or doesn’t freedom require respect for the other person, respect for his freedom and his equality, so that I can find my freedom only in unity with my neighbor?

Every day offers us the possibility to test our freedom and dependency. To what extent are we dependent on praise and recognition, in order to seem to feel happy? Is the most important thing ourselves – according to the motto “everything only for me!”? Or are we willing to do something for our neighbor without expecting something from him? Do we have the courage to be honest with ourselves and to recognize what is going on underneath our conscious mind? Namely that in truth, we sometimes aren’t as loving at all as we pretend to be externally, but behind the scenes are perhaps craving a certain advantage in a very unloving way.

Particularly dangerous are the unfree aspects that many people get themselves into from a religious point of view. Out of fear for the salvation of their soul, they let themselves be tied to denominations and churches, even though God is the absolute freedom, which doesn’t let itself be tied down by rites and dogmas. The freedom of the children of God cannot be gained via sacraments and absolutions from sin. True freedom can be found only in our inner being, if we orient our life to God, in our neighbor, if we make peace with him, in nature, if we make ourselves aware that the Creator-God looks at us in every plant and in every animal. But we breathe this breath of the freedom of God only when we loosen ourselves more and more from the bindings of our egoism. How we become free, in order to then be free, is what we want to exchange ideas about in our roundtable discussion today.

It is actually so that many people say: “I do or do not do as I please, so, I am free.” If that were so, mustn’t all the people who say this be happy? Why are only the fewest people happy, and particularly not those who say: “I am free; I do or don’t do as I please”?

Where does this unhappiness come from in our society? Where do the disappointment and the ties to people, money and possessions come from? They come solely from the fact that we human beings don’t make use of the days and are always looking for something in the future. Yes. egoism is so big – and today it’s getting bigger and bigger and cutting capers. Because we hear on radio and television that the gap between rich and poor is growing wider and wider. But the rich aren’t happy either. Why? Because it’s seldom that a person, whether rich or poor or middleclass makes use of the days. Many people, most of them, just live through their days, making plans for the future and working toward possessing this or that in the future, toward being higher on the ladder of success in the future and toward savoring the so-called “attractions of life” – and much more. Because of this, people do not make use of the day.

What we think on the days that we don’t use comes again; the inputs that we made on this day come again. Usually, we don’t even know what we have input, because we’re constantly working toward the future. Through this, we don’t feel or even sense who we are. We want something that perhaps isn’t even in our genes or our life plan. We want to take up a certain occupation, to climb higher on the ladder of success. Perhaps we haven’t even brought this along from other worlds. But we crave this and forget that we also live today, on this day, and that this day is our day, which wants to reflect various things to us. The energy of the day comes in our thoughts, in our ideas, in our desires and passions. Toward what do we aim our desires? Don’t they mostly aim toward our neighbor? This means I expect something from my fellowmen. What? That certain people, from whom I expect something, bring in or do for me what I expect. If they don’t do it, then I’m not only disappointed, but I belittle them, judge them, insult them. All these thoughts, all these not-so-nice inclinations shape our coming days. The present day, on which we are disappointed, passes it on to the next days. And all that we feel, think speak and do today come to us again on another day. The result is that we are the brakes for our future. Today, we put the brakes on what we may wish for tomorrow.
Through this, we create dependencies. We are dependent on the one who should do something for us or even does it. We obligate ourselves to do something for this person again, so that he does for us what we want. We say nice words to him. We make a gesture with flowers or a little present, but always with the ulterior motive that he will again do this or that for us. If he doesn’t do it, we’re disappointed again. And this disappointment comes out in hostility and even all the way to open conflict.

Let’s think of marriage and life partnerships. These ties develop particularly in marriage and life partnerships. I expect from my partner that he do this or that for me, that he praise me, for instance, that he find me beautiful as a woman and much more. If my partner doesn’t act as desired, because he just happens to be having other thoughts or because he has business problems, then I’m disappointed. This disappointment, in turn, turns against my partner. Another time, something similar follows. My partner, of whom I expect something, doesn’t do it. Doubts come up. Ugly words follow, conflict, all the way to acts of enmity in the marriage or partnership. The one who is disappointed says: “I’ll pay him back! When he wants something from me, I won’t do it, either.” This is how mutual bindings develop, mistrust, enmity. The mistrust and enmity may lead to heated arguments, even to hatred and  finally, possibly to separation. 

It is something totally different when I ask something of my neighbor. “Could you please do this for me?” – But I should speak out this request only when I can’t do it myself, no matter for what reason. When my partner then does it, I feel it is positive that he responded to my request. And I can then also thank him, and a connection develops. And so, I do not demand, but ask, because I myself can’t at the moment, for whatever reason. This results in a “thank you,” and a certain joy that strengthens my neighbor’s trust.

Every binding contains doubts toward the other one, particularly in marriage and partnership. But in trust lies togetherness, and from this grows a sense of solidarity and cooperation. This means that when I demand from someone else something that I could do myself, and he doesn’t do it, then discord develops. And that’s how it is in marriage, and it’s the same in the cooperation of everyday life, at work, in society, in our circle of friends – everywhere. But when I can’t fulfill something, because I’m not able to at the moment, and ask someone else, then it’s something totally different. This leads to friendship, this leads to peace, which alone leads to a “with each other.” Everything else is put on and leads to dependency, to conflict, to being unhappy, to a lack of peace.

Nothing other than: I expect. And I want ever more from the one who praises me, to whom I bind myself. Why can’t we reflect on ourselves?! We give up our personal aspects, our spiritual and physical qualities. We bind them, by constantly binding ourselves to others, by expecting something of them.

To be happy means that I not only stand up for myself, for myself as a person, but also to what Jesus taught us, because Jesus, the Christ, taught us independence, which makes us free. – “Do to others as you would have them do to you.” Or said differently: “Do not do to others what you do not want to have done to you.” 

One can develop freely in a partnership only when each one shows respect for the other, an appreciation of the life of the other. If both build trust toward each other, then friendship and mutual respect develop in the partnership along with a certain “with one another.” This is the basis for being happy and maintaining peace. 

Regarding the allurements of life. Let us become aware of the following: How is it when I fall in love today? Am I still in love two years from now? When I get a divorce today and tomorrow take a new girlfriend or boyfriend, or get married again day after tomorrow, am I then happy in the long run?

Statistics alone show that this is not so. What was not in order in one relationship will very soon go wrong in the second relationship. But people try anew, over and over again. The allurements of life have to become more intense, something even more beautiful, something even better is desired, but the happiness doesn’t last. 

Why not? – Because each one only expects from the other. And often the other one can’t even fulfill these expectations, because he doesn’t even have this awareness and the prerequisites for this in his nature, in order to constantly be able to give what the other one demands. And so again and again there are disputes, which lead to unhappiness, to sadness, to disappointment, to bitterness and not lastly, to war in marriage and partnership. Whether I’m in the fifth partnership, or the third marriage, whether I enter into friendships, it’s always the same. Dependence makes us unhappy. Dependence makes us dissatisfied. Dependence is lack of freedom.

Because many are dissatisfied with themselves. Through what does this binding to the other one develop? By expecting from him what I don’t have. I need recognition. I need praise. I need words of esteem from others. If I don’t get this, then I feel unhappy, then I feel inferior, then I’m bad-tempered, all in all, totally dissatisfied, even frustrated. – Why? Because I always look to others with the goal that they exalt me.

Gabriele said: As long as we do this, we will never become free! Today I am more convinced than ever that freedom develops only from ourselves, from each individual. First of all, we should get to know ourselves. Every one should take a look in the mirror. Every one should analyze his thoughts, his feelings, his desires, his passions, with the question: Do they fit me? Or am I merely expecting something with this? – Just simply when a person dresses for the other one, then he is putting on a costume, a disguise. He does not dress according to his mentality, to his nature; he disguises himself, to please others. – This is a craving for admiration. If this desire for admiration isn’t responded to, then he’s totally devastated. This “costume dressing” reminds one now and then of a theatre performance. The person dresses differently; the person acts differently, in order to receive praise, recognition and aggrandizement.

If I don’t do this and go back to my basis, if I once look to see that I’m somewhat satisfied with myself, then my consciousness broadens and I will be more generous toward my neighbor. Of course, the prerequisite is that we make use of the days and look at our situation in life, that we don’t build up my egoism in desires, in passions, and don’t pile up money and  possessions for the coming time, and much more. When I do this, then I don’t live. I will not make use of my days, but I’ll crave in looking toward the future, and the future will certainly not bring me what I desire. Why not? Because what I input before is what will come to me in the future. 
And if a poor person should become rich one day, according to his wish, then the question is whether he is happy with the wealth he may have desired since his youth. Perhaps for a short time, and then he is unhappy. – Why? Because the days that he didn’t use come to him as a rich man and make him unhappy. Then he may say: “I didn’t make use of my youth; I didn’t make use of all the stages in my life, of what use is wealth to me?” – This is the downward spiral and it never goes upward. The life cycle leading upward must always come from ourselves.  
The dissatisfaction is in me, myself, and I want something from my neighbor. Why can’t I for once be satisfied with myself as I presently am, as life has made me? What I have, what I have mastered in my life, what I am satisfied with, that’s what makes me happy. But the craving that others make me happy always leads downward.

We don’t accomplish anything by being imitators; instead we have to find the way to ourselves. First to ourselves as a person and beyond this to the inner values. Both, the person and the inner values, form the character, which makes us free, because we no longer disparage others, because we no longer expect anything from others – because we have grown beyond ourselves, from our inner being, and don’t have to ask for forgiveness when we ask for something, because we can’t do this or that at the moment. 
A person who is free, that is, doesn’t expect anything from others, is also honest. He can also honestly admit his weaknesses, but he doesn’t demand that others cover up his weaknesses, by praising him and much more.

For the one who wants to get out of his situation in life and be greater and richer and as happy as his neighbor seems to be, it can be a help to make it clear to himself that the circumstances in his life are not by chance. He was born into this situation, because it contains a task for him. This task contains a chance for evolution, the chance to find the meaning of his life, to purify himself and to develop further. Anyone who knows about the possibility of reincarnation can also find in it the reason for taking responsibility for himself.

Our of the thought: “I somehow brought this with me, perhaps it’s also in my genes,” then perhaps many a one can better understand that “I am as I am, I simply brought this along into my life.”  
But we human beings also have evolution. You can be born into poor circumstances and can grow up in poor circumstances, and nevertheless in you is a greatness that gives you the strength, when you are middle-aged, to do much that is in you. That’s why the motto: Make use of the days! Or: Make the best of your day!

To make the best of each day means to key into my evolution, to create a prospect for the future, but not to crave it, instead, to experience it every day, step by step. But to make the best of each day also means to make the best of me, to find my way to myself. 
Each one of us comes from the eternal kingdom, from the Kingdom of God, and have incarnated. For this reason, Jesus, the Christ, came to us and brought us the laws of life, of the Kingdom of God. We can read them in the Sermon on the Mount. But we also find them in the Ten Commandments that God gave through Moses.
Merely the one sentence “Do to others as you would have them do to you,” or said differently, “Do not do to another what you do not want to have done to you” –these are pearls of wisdom for life, which lead quality in our life, and which help us live with our fellowman. Whether in the family, whether in our partnership, whether at work, in our circle of friends, wherever we may be, we have to learn to find our way to ourselves. And if we are discontent we have to question ourselves: “What am I dissatisfied with? This “What am I dissatisfied with” already contains, in turn: Make the best of it!

We should make this a rule for ourselves: If we determine “I am dissatisfied with myself” to ask ourselves right way: Well with what, then? If we have determined this, then we should say: Make the best of it! – And each day is a help to make the best out of each day, and ultimately also the best of me. 
And so, we very gradually find our way out of the tangle of bindings, expectations, and dissatisfaction, of dependence, of hostility, of disappointment and much more. – Make the best of each day, of yourself, of your life. No matter where you are, practice this, and always remember the words of Jesus: “Do not do to another what you do not want to have done to you!” – I expect nothing from others; I expect everything from myself.

Viewed correctly, the Golden Rule is actually a teaching of freedom. Because when I don’t expect anything anymore, but first do for my neighbor what I expect from him, then I’m free of these expectations and begin to gain a totally new relationship with my neighbor. It then becomes a relationship of freedom. And a connection can grow out of this binding and out of the connection can awaken love for my neighbor. And then we are again on the track of the Sermon on the Mount. So we could say that freedom and love go hand in hand. 

The greatness of our consciousness doesn’t tie itself to any kind of wealth, to prestige or power. We are not bound, but free. And if we are free, rooted in the teachings of Jesus, the Christ, then we will never live in need. This is certain. We will not have excessive wealth. Nor will we strive toward power and prestige. We are modestly content. And in this modest contentment, which is rooted in us, is freedom. And freedom makes us happy.

Gabriele reported about herself: I have a very simple “recipe.” I am always happy when I can make another person happy. To be happy means not to bind yourself to your neighbor. Make the other one happy with good thoughts, with a few honest words, which are spoke out of good will, out of closeness – with the corresponding help, in the way in which you are able to help, in prayer, which, however, you also fulfill yourself. If this is given, then you know that these thoughts will also reach those people that are open for them, and that you have thus made them a little bit happy. This brings me the most happiness.